Saturday, December 20, 2014

Let's get personal...

Since my last Instagram post, I have received a few emails regarding my personal story and I realized I've never written out the journey I've been on over the last decade. Perhaps i didn't think anyone would really have an interest, but mostly I haven't written it because it isn't easy to talk about. Today, I will break my silence and hopefully someone can relate to my struggles and find the light that I have. 

2003 started with a break up. I had too much time to get myself in trouble. I was devoting most my waking hours to my career, and as soon as I was out of the office, I was out partying as hard as I had been working.  I was hitting the bottle hard, and not taking care of my body.  At the time I didn't realize, but I was wasting away. Coffee for breakfast, often skipping lunch or barely eating a late lunch and drinking alcohol as my dinner. I was getting to bed late and scraping myself out of bed the following morning to do it all again. The gym was a joke back then. I was definitely not working out, although I continued to pay for my 24 Hour Fitness membership just so I could say I belonged to a gym. These behaviors lasted for several months. I lost weight rapidly, eventually people started asking me if I was okay. At 5'10" I was hovering around 130 pounds. No muscle, no butt, clothes falling off. My normal size 8 jeans went down to a 4, and I thought it was great. This anorexia lasted several months until one night changed me forever. It was 4th of July and my friends were throwing a party. There was a smorgasbord of appetizers and treats. I hadn't been around so much readily available food in quite a while. I ate. I ate, and I ate, and I ate. I ate so much, that I felt terrible sick. I remember the car ride home. The sick feeling I felt from over eating, and I was hoping I would make it home and not succumb to this car sick feeling I felt. As soon as I was dropped off I ran to the bathroom, and my relief was immediate. I didn't know then that the feeling I felt would become addictive. That feeling created a new pattern of destructive behaviors. A few days of low calories, mostly from coffee and alcohol, followed by a day of binging and purging. Within a few months the effects of my behaviors had taken a toll.  Debilitating migraines, tooth decay, hair loss and my skin was grey. I had insomnia and was frequently disoriented. 

During this time I met my husband. We worked together and he quickly saw I wasn't eating well. His family owned a deli and he would bring me sandwiches at lunch. He thought he could save me with food, but that would be like saving an alcoholic with beers. The thing about eating disorders as opposed to other addictions is you cannot eliminate or avoid it. Everyone must eat. Every day. Several times per day. 

Within a couple months of marriage, I found out we were expecting. I thought carrying my precious child would stop my purging, and it did mostly. I know there was at least once I could not stay strong enough and gave in to the relieving feeling of purging. As a mom, I definitely scaled back my problem, but food was still a necessity, and if I ever over ate, I knew there was a way out from that feeling. 

Over the following 6 years or so, I yo-yo'd my weight. Gaining during pregnancies, and continuing to gain more weight even after pregnancy, at one point weighing 170lbs. I was unhappy, unhealthy, tired, and just over all miserable. 

Then in the summer of 2013, I came across the "If It Fits Your Macros" diet. During the first three months of incorporating iifym, I gained a 6 pack (okay, maybe a 2-pack), and realized I NEVER once over ate, felt "too full," or purged. It was the first time I was able to eat, without restrictions, and not fear food or what would happen when I ate. I am not "cured" from this disorder. It is with me forever, but I can control it far better than I ever have. My skin is a normal color, my teeth are the healthiest they have ever been, my hair stopped falling out, and my migraines have not made an appearance in a couple years. My over all health is noticeably better than 10 years ago. 

I have feared talking about my eating disorder for years. I'm not even sure my closest friends are privy to this information. I was ashamed and knew better, but couldn't stop, but I feel like talking about it helps hold me accountable, and also may help someone else who struggles with similar issues. 

Eating disorders are serious, life-threatening illnesses that impact 8 million people each year in the United States. If you, or someone you know, suffers from an eating disorder, visit www.ANewJourney.net or call 1-844-348-6212



Xo Shan 


Friday, December 12, 2014

Healthy Cookie Dough

I took another stab at this healthy version of my favorite sweet treat! I love cookie dough, and can't seem to keep my fingers out of the batter while mixing, so it's such a treat to be able to devour this GUILT FREE! 

This recipe can easily be adjusted with ingredients you currently have at home. 

Ingredients:

��1 can chickpeas, drained and rinsed
��1 scoop vanilla protein powder
��8 tbsp nut butter of your choice (I used Maranatha Maple Almond Butter)
��1/4 cup Walden Farms Pancake Syrup
(Can use honey, agave, or even maple extract)
��1/4 tsp butter extract (optional)
��14g Dark Chocolate Chips (I used Lily's sweetened with stevia)

Mix all ingredients (sans chips) together and add water if you desire a runnier texture. Fold in chocolate chips and enjoy. 

Xo Shan

Sunday, November 9, 2014

Matcha Green Tea

I have a new obsession with Matcha Green Tea. I have always loved it, and am always hearing of its health benefits, but after drinking it for a few days in a row, I truly felt a difference in my evergy level. I decided to do some of my own searching to see what other benefits I was getting from this fantastic morning ritual. Here's what I found...  

Energy Booster

One of the most unexpected benefits matcha drinkers experience is a boost of energy through the day. In one study, researchers had thought that this was from the caffeine in matcha, but they found that it was actually the combination of matchas natural properties. Another recent study in particular found that matcha even improved physical endurance by 24%. Even if you arent facing a grueling workout, matcha can help you through the everyday marathon, whether its that project due the next day or getting the kids from school to soccer practice.

Calorie Burner

Already nearly calorie free, matcha is a great addition to a weight loss program by tackling the problem from both sides. It boosts metabolism and burns fat. One recent study even suggested that matcha may help burn calories by four times. At the same time, matcha does not put any stress on the body. It doesnt raise blood pressure or heart rate, making it a safe alternative to questionable quick fixes or pharmaceuticals ridden with side effects.

Detox Deluxe

Green is truly the color of health. Matcha helps to safely cleanse and purge the body of harmful elements. Chlorophyll the element that gives green tea and other plants their signature verdant color is also a powerful detoxifier, helping to eliminate both chemicals and heavy metals from the body. And because matcha is carefully shade-grown, it is substantially richer in chlorophyll than other green teas, making it a superior daily detox.


I think these added benefits are a great reason to incorporate this super tasty drink on a daily basis! 


Thanks to MatchaSource.com for the information! ��



Sweet Eggs first thing in the morning



I have the worst habits around the holidays. It all starts with Halloween and the buckets of candy my children bring home. I try to remove as much as possible, but there is still too much and I can't pretend like it doesn't exist. I sneak one or two pieces from time to time. The sugar just sends me in to a tailspin causing cravings and withdrawals, making me want more and MORE! Last night was no exception as I made my nightly cup of tea. I just love a piece of chocolate with hot tea! Since I fell asleep shortly after having my little treat, I woke with raging cravings for sugar! I immediately wanted to walk to the cabinet where the Halloween cabinet is hidden, but I had to stop the madness. It was one of those mornings when you tell yourself it's "You vs. You" and that is what I did. While the kids were asking for their over easy eggs, I decided the best thing to do was make some delicious sweet eggs and today's creation was awesome! 

Here is the recipe;
1c egg whites (I was hungry!)
1/4tsp butter extract
1/2tsp vanilla extract
1/2tsp cinnamon
2-4 packets stevia
1/4c fat free ricotta cheese
1/4c oat bran

I scrambled all the ingredients together until well cooked and drizzled Walden Farms Pancake Syrup on the top. My kids said it smelled like french toast and loved it too! 


Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Spicy Cauliflower Egg White Muffins

I have been staring at a head of cauliflower in my refrigerator for the last week wondering what I was going to make. It became a necessity when I was slapped with a pungent smell after opening the fridge door last night. I love cauliflower, but could do without the smell! 

I decided to put a twist on my Saffron Cauliflower Protein Muffins (recipe in previous posts).  Something spicy! 

Ingredients: 
3/4 cauliflower head grated 
1 cup egg whites
1/2tbsp cayenne pepper
1/4 tbsp turmeric 
1/4 tbsp Mrs Dash Tomato Basil
1/2-3/4cup grated cheese of choice
Black pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 350°

Mix all ingredients together and fill cupcake tin 3/4 full. I made the mistake of filling to the top. They still turned out, but not as uniformed. 

Bake at 350° for 25 minutes. Cool and enjoy. Makes 8 "muffins."

Monday, October 13, 2014

My First Half Marathon

It has been more than 24 hours since completing my first half marathon. Many emotions and thoughts have passed since running under that inflatable finish line that I longed for from the moment I started running. The first thought that crossed my mind? Why did I sign up for this? I actually PAID to do this?! Why would someone who hasn't trained for a half marathon even attempt such a task? Let me enlighten you with this crazy idea and how it came to be. 

You may recall an IG post from last month about an epic 6.5 mile run I had. As with most of my longer runs, this was spontaneous. See, I don't always LOVE running. Some days I "feel" it, and most days I am trying to occupy my thoughts with anything other than "are we done yet?" That run started out as a 3-4 miler, but I was feeling good, so I kept up for 6.5 miles. That run left me with a slightly sore back, but I continued my normal workouts, and occasional treadmill intervals, never to hit the pavement after that "epic run." 

Then my son joined the Run Club. He was so excited to run a mile and a half each week, pushing to get closer to two, that I decided a challenge was in store. That was when I signed us up for the Rocky Ridge trail 5k. He did amazing. His Run Club continued to encourage students to sign up for the Run For Education, and I almost signed us up. The main reason I was hesitant? They didn't give a finisher medal to 5k runners. (Yes, I wanted him to have one!), so somehow that lead me to consider the half. They gave finisher medals for the half marathon, and the course was almost totally flat. Why not? How hard could it be? Right? 

Fast forward to Wednesday evening. Biting my fingers as I decided to take advantage of "rollback pricing!" (I am such a sucker). What did my son say Thursday morning when I told him I signed up for the half? "But mom, that's 13 miles!!!" ️Yes, I know son. Thank you. 

The following two days were agonizing. I would lay in bed, tired, but my mind busy thinking about how I was going to be running for two hours. Yes, along with not training, I wanted to complete my first half marathon by 1:59.  Doable, right?!��

The night before the race a got everything I needed ready. Clothes, race bib, SpiBelt, GU packs and inhaler (to appease my mother��). I woke before the sun was up and while my family was snug in their beds. I was quiet as a mouse. I hydrated well and ate half a banana. As I gathered my things and went for my truck keys, I noticed a note my husband had left for me! 


Just what I needed to calm my nerves! I CAN do it! I WILL do it! I tucked the note into my SpiBelt. I figured I could pull it out if I really needed some motivation. 

The San Ramon Valley Run for Education began in Danville and ended by the Fire Station in San Ramon. I parked my truck and realized I needed to go to the bathroom! Off to find porta potties. Thank goodness I got in line before the masses. Hopefully all that hydrating wouldn't come back to haunt me. 

At 7am, 15 minutes before the race began, I ate my first GU packet. I read online that you should have one 15 minutes prior and at approximately mile 5 and 10, and everyone knows if you read it online, it's true��. I knew it was going to be hot later, so opted for a tank and no jacket. To keep warm in the final minutes prior to the start, I did a little jumping up and down. I really wanted my body to stay warm. 

Finally it was 7:15, but no race horn sounded. Eventually they explained they were calibrating clocks and by 7:18am we were off. 

Here I was, the beginning of my first half marathon. I kept thinking about how much I was going to be running. Longer than I ever had. I realized pretty quickly that I wasn't in a "let's make it a big run" kinda day. Nevertheless, I kept on. I was averaging 8:50 miles for the first half of the run. A few times, I realized I was in a fog, my legs feeling heavier, and continued to push myself a little faster. By mile 10, the mile markers were obviously taking longer to reach. Was it my pace? Was I getting bored? I kept thinking about my friends that love running. I imagined they were there to tell me to suck it up. I never stopped. I ran with heavy legs and at mile 12, my husband called me. He was trying to explain where he was in relation to the finish line. Honestly, I was so confused, I just told him I would see him in 10 minutes. That last ten minutes was the longest ten minutes EVER! The course kept turning and I was now running passed the 5k runners and walkers. Children complaining about how long they had been walking. Walking! 

I rounded the final turn and at that moment the man in front of me dropped his bib. I attempted to lean down and whisk it up, and my legs buckled. I felt dizzy and realized I was about gassed out. I wanted to sprint the last quarter mile, but the tank was empty. I spotted my husband, son and daughter and choked up. Immediately I couldn't catch my breath. I tried taking a picture of the finish line, and then spotted my mom who had surprised me. 

2hours, 10 minutes, 53 seconds after beginning my first half marathon, I was finished. My calves were cramping, my hips were hurting and my legs felt like bricks, but I was done! The first couple minutes after were filled with less emotions than I had expected. I was numb and didn't really know what to do. My husband walked up with a snack and some LifeWater. I was still trying to take a deep breath. I remembered I had flip flops in the backpack my husband brought with him, so I sat on a light post and switched my shoes. Not the wisest of choices. My feet fell flat causing my calves to cramp more, and I finally noticed I was full of blisters. The half mile walk to the car was almost as bad as the last mile I ran. As we got to the car, I stepped towards the CVS to throw something away and stubbed my toe on the cement that was sticking out of the ground. That was about the moment I declared this event "checked off my bucket list." I sank in to my husband's car, really sitting down for the first time. My legs were ansy and restless, but they were happy! 

So, here I am, 3 days post race, and I feel great! Monday was full of soreness and body aches, but I was back at TRX on Tuesday (really tried to get out of that, but thankful I did it). What is the conclusion? I can't wait to do it again! I want to train properly, run with friends and cross with grace. I am truly proud of what I accomplished and know what I am capable of. YOUR BODY ACHIEVES WHAT YOUR MIND BELIEVES! 





Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Blueberry Protein Cakes

This combination has been my go to as a cold snack, but I decided to add some egg whites and make them in to "pancakes." The crispness was just the right touch! ���������������������� 
Measurements are approximate cause I'm just reckless like that! 
��1/2c cottage cheese (low sodium)
��1/4c oat bran
��1/4c egg whites
��1/3c blueberries 
��1/4tsp butter extract
��smidgen of stevia to sweeten�� Enjoy! 

I just cooked them in a pan like pancakes and vĂ³ila! 

Xo Shan