Chronic Illness

  It’s crazy that it has been 5 years since I have typed anything in to this BLOGSPOT, because the amount of journaling I have done in the note section of my iPhone is 5 years could fill a book! 

We all know that COVID started in 2020, and from there began a whirlwind of changes for me health-wise. Prior to this, 2017, I competed in a bikini competition, then continued to weight train and run through 2020. When businesses and gyms began to close their doors and shelter-in-place began, it would become harder to train at the caliber I was used to. Eventually, I started to notice that my joints were hurting more than usual and that my hair was thinning rapidly. 

Then, in February 1, 2022 my father in law noticed I had a headache that had lasted a few days. For some reason this stuck out to me, and I couldn’t shake it. The next day, I noticed the headache was still there, and then the next. By the following week, when the headache had been with me non-stop without letting up, I knew something wasn’t right. I demanded my doctor order an MRI immediately. Within a month I had seen my primary, a neurologist, an ENT, an ophthalmologist, a rheumatologist, an endocrinologist and a psychiatrist (we’ll get to that later!). I’m not sure how much detail people want at this point, and I also don’t anticipate to make sure I complete some blog posts, so I will cut through all the details and tell you that after 5 years of symptoms which included;

• Chronic Daily Headache

• Joint pain

• Hair loss/Thinning

• Extreme Fatigue/Exhaustion 

• Brain Fog

• Memory Loss

• Facial Numbness/Tingling 

• Finger Cysts

• Swelling in Lower Ankles/Extremities 

• Dizziness/Light headed

• Dry mouth/eyes

• Blurry Vision 

• Heart Palpitations 

• Chronic Sore Throat 

• Swollen Lymph Nodes

• Numb/Tingling Hands/Feet Extremities 

• Rashes/Itching Skin 

• Acne-like breakouts on face/scalp and in nose

Seems like a LOT, and right?! I even went to my gynecologist asking her and my primary care physician to run a full blood panel, knowing that my own mother had started perimenopause in her early 40’s and I could also be experiencing symptoms of perimenopause. Both of my doctors DISMISSED this as a possibility!!!! They told me I was TOO YOUNG to be in perimenopause! Eventually I came across an add on TikTok for Hone that offered to read my blood work to see if I was in perimenopause  the initial report said I was (without a doubt) in perimenopause and possibly past that! I never even got to the point of speaking with one of their doctors (I think they encourage you to buy their hormone replacement therapy), because at this point t I was validated that I could possibly be in perimenopause.

Isn’t it crazy that doctors don’t believe a woman could be 44 and be in the process of a physiological change?! 

Anyways, I had so much more to write about all the things I have actually been diagnosed with. All the “chronics” which they call them. Luckily, I was also cleared of many things (autoimmune mostly!) along the way, which is great news, so I will talk about that as well.

Some of the things I hope to discuss in the following posts are;

• My history with headaches

• my mom’s autoimmune 

• my tests to eliminate autoimmune 

• my tests to eliminate autonomic 

• my current ana test

• my chronic fatigue syndrome 

• my chronic sore throat/lymph nodes 

• Raynaud’s 

• Rheumatoid Arthritis 

• Sleep Test

Let me know if there is anything else you want me to cover that I forgot! 

Xo Shan 

Putting Myself First

Approximately 15 hand written journal entries, a couple blog posts, and no less than half a dozen Instagram drafts since the beginning of March. Honestly, I struggled with what my message was, what conversations I wanted to begin and how I wanted to motivate and inspire those that see my posts... Then it hit me.  I have been unable to articulate my intentions to the World Wide Web, because I had forgotten to focus on my own intentions and self motivation FIRST. 

Change, for me, has never come from following certain Instagram influencers.  Change has to be a desire that burns inside, and somehow that desire has become a wildfire inside me these days. I have been careful to alter anything with my diet and exercise, as I have been doing so well mentally and physically over the past two years, but when something happens naturally I allow my body to guide me where it wants to go. 

The beginning of this wildfire must have been started when I came across #30DaysofYoga with @AdrieneLouise on Comcast of all places. I have attempted several workout videos and self guided routines since the #Coronavirus took off and closed gyms and all other nonessential businesses, but none of them made me roll out of bed and eager to begin the way Adriene did. I am not new to the practice of Yoga, although I would consider myself a #newbie. I started prenatal yoga when I was pregnant with Grayson 14 years ago, and that’s actually when I invested in my amazing @JadeYogaMats. I remember my husband Hooman encouraging me to buy the mat, and I’m pretty sure it’s only seen about 30 classes max! Bikram yoga, Vinyasa Flow, Yin, and stretching, I always love yoga classes, but have noticed I’m drawn more to the instructor. A good instructor makes all the difference, and that is exactly what happened for me. Adriene has a calm voice, a cute dog and occasionally likes to #KeepItWeird as she says... right up my alley! So far I am only 2 weeks in to my 30 days of #Yoga, but am confident that I will finish and can’t let another post opportunity pass me by. When I feel strongly about something, I like to share it. Not all things work for everyone, but sometimes a good referral or review can point one person in the direction they didn’t realize they needed. Perhaps that is you? 

Along with the power of yoga, I have started other self healing steps to help connect the body and mind. Listening to my body and being intuitive to what it needs has escaped me for too long, and I am eager to see a new journey unfold. Slowly uncovering all the changes with everyone as I really get some time under my belt. 

How has the epidemic and Stay-at-Home requirements changed you and your daily routines? Have you struggled with the lack of social interactions?  The gyms not being available? Have you taken the unprecedented situation and turned it into opportunity? Are you waiting for your motivation and guidance still? 

Whatever your current situation may be, remember self care should be priority before caring for others. 

Happy Independence Day to everyone. Make it a great day! 

Xo Shan

I’m here!

I have 14 drafts saved in my blogger profile! ...and they all range within the last two years! Needless to say, I’ve had things to post, but am a huge over thinker and decide against anything I’ve written. So, this is my very short post to say that I’m here!! I have a lot to say, and so much going on, but think I better get this thing going or I just might implode from draft overloads! Hope everyone is surviving this crazy and unprecedented time. I’ll be back soon! Scouts honor!

NEDAwareness Week

Well, here I am, attempting to blog. What better way to kick off an almost two year hiatus than during National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. The goal of #NEDAwareness Week is to shine the spotlight on eating disorders and put life-saving resources into the hand of those in need. This year's theme is It's Time to Talk About It and that's exactly what my intentions are with today's important blog post. For those that have never suffered from an eating disorder, you probably wonder why someone would subject themselves to limited calorie intake, over eating or even purging, but the reality is, eating disorders are controlling, just like alcoholism, drug abuse or smoking. The difference with an eating disorder, is you are not able to just quit eating. You cannot go to rehab, change your environment or group of friends and hope you never come in contact with food again. Everyone must eat, and in order to fully recover, you must learn to live a life WITH your trigger still a main focus. Imagine telling an alcoholic that they don't need to stop drinking, just adjust to a healthier relationship with alcohol! No! You wouldn't do that, so you can see why having an eating disorder is a total mental mind fuck. My eating disorder started in 2002. I was adjusting to a single life after a break-up and working as a manager for Bank of America. I worked long days. Matter of fact, I preferred to work as many hours as I possibly could. I would start my day with coffee, and typically grab a second coffee during lunch hours. After work I would grab drinks with friends and eventually get fast food at late hours. I was sleeping only 5ish hours a night. This went on for months. My weight started to drop, and other people started to notice how my work slacks were becoming baggy. I didn't see it as a problem and would just buy smaller pants. I went from a 10 to an 8 and then a 6. By the time I was wearing a 4 and eventually a 2, my mom started asking if I was okay. She accused me of purging after meals, but the reality was, I just wasn't eating enough. She pointed out that someone who was 5'10" probably should weigh more than 130lbs. Still, I didn't see it. I was actually angry that she would accuse me of throwing my food up. Then on 4th of July in 2003, I went to a party with friends. It was a potluck and I couldn't stop eating all the delicious foods my friends had made. I remember how sick I felt on the car ride home, and as soon as they dropped me off, I tossed my cookies. The next day I couldn't eat at all. This was around the same time I had become friends with my (now) husband. He noticed I hadn't eaten the day before, so he bought me a huge lunch. I was hungry, so I scarfed everything down. You can imagine how sick I felt, and somehow I remember the relief I had gotten the day before, so that is when my vicious cycle began. One day I would barely eat, and the next I would over eat (binge). This went on for years. Often unnoticed by others. Matter of fact, I had put some weight on my thin frame, and my mom stopped accusing me of throwing up. My disorder was controlling me, but it was also something that no one could control for me. No one really knew, and if they did, how could they stop me? My binging and purging took a back seat for sometime during both pregnancies. It was during this time that I felt comfortable talking about it for the first time with my family. I think since I had some recovery under my belt I could get it off my chest. Of course this just made for more concern and speculation, especially from my mom. Finally in September 2016, I finally hit rock bottom with my disorder. I was throwing up 2-5 times a day, and stopping at the grocery store to buy pints of ice cream to devour in hiding. I woke up on September 22nd, my husband's birthday, and couldn't hold it together. I was weak and worn out. I couldn't get through my work-out and didn't want to ruin my husband's day with my roller coaster of emotions. I called my mom and confessed how bad it had been for months. I don't know exactly what has kept me in recovery mode since that day, but I have over five months clean and continue to fight for my health every single day. There are days that are easier than others, but every day I eat and almost every day I have to think about what kind of relationship I want to have with food. It is difficult and there have definitely been days that I still stand in the pantry and eat several cookies in one sitting, but I remind myself of how I felt that morning in September and know I don't want to be there again, so I will do whatever i takes to not go back there. I am a huge advocate for loving yourself and body positivity, but the truth is, even I have days that I don't like my body. I try to love everything about it, but I refuse to let these minor setbacks trigger other issues. I know I will suffer from this demon for the rest of my life, but I also know I am a fighter. I will not give up, and hopefully I can help someone else with my story. If you, or someone you know, suffers form an eating disorder, call the national helpline at 1 (800) 931-2237 or visit www.nedawareness.org xo Shan

I'm bacccccck! 👋🏽

Hi! Are you still with me? If you are, bravo! I have starting working on a new project and figured it would be a great time to revamp my blog and get it up to date. I will be putting pen to paper and releasing all of my recent ideas, recipes and workouts soon!!! Stay tuned! Xo Shan

Peanut Free Protein Balls

What do you do when you find a box of stale cereal? Usually I would throw it away, but being that I was hungry and in a creative mood, I decided to make protein bars. Halfway through mixing ingredients, I realized the consistency was perfect for no bake protein power balls instead, so that is exactly what we ended up with! 

Here are the simple ingredients;

4 servings Special K protein flakes, ground in the Vitamix. 

2 tbsp Chia Seeds

40 grams Dayes, pitted

3tbsp WowButter peanut free soy butter

1/4c Walden Farms Pancake Syrup

I started by mixing the Special K cereal in the Vitamix. 

Then added my chia seeds

I emptied the contents in my KitchenAid and then put my dates with a few tablespoons of water and the walden farms syrup in the Vitamix and blended until almost smooth. I added the WowButter and blended again, then added that to the dry mix in the KitchenAid. I mixed all the ingredients until well incorporated. The mixture was exactly 300 grams, so I rolled them into 10 equal 30gram balls. Before placing them in my fridge, I ate one to make sure it was safe. It was! Crunchy from the Gia seeds, so if you don't like the crunch, you can wet your chia first for a few minutes, use only 1tbsp or omit them all together. 

Hope you enjoy! 

Chick Pea Blondies

Once upon a time I was sitting standing in my kitchen when my ravenous sweet craving came rearing it's ugly head. I walked to the pantry and eyed the peanut butter. Just last week I had an inappropriate relationship with said peanut butter jar (who shall remain nameless for now), so I knew that taking even a "tablespoon" of this magical mixture would become problematic for a girl who has been diligent about counting her macros, so, I started dreaming of healthy brownies instead. I have made my black bean brownies in the past, and that sounded great, but I didn't have the same chocolate fudge protein powder I had previously used and didn't want to be disappointed by the taste. What could I make? Chick peas! Maybe healthy cookie dough? No, still tempted to eat the entire bowl. Hmmmm, how about a healthy blondie? Would my kids try it? Sprinkles. Yes, everyone loves sprinkles! 

So, the healthy, protein, chick pea, birthday blondie was born. So good. So yummy, and I could portion them. So smart! 

I used ingredients I had in the cabinet, but believe me, you can you a huge variety of items you already have to make these. Don't be stumped by the items I've used! ...and please, share your own recipes if you have good ones!!!

Here's mine. 

🔸1 can Chick Peas, drained and rinsed. 

🍁1/2c Walden Farms Pancake Syrup (can use honey, agave, or another sweetener of choice)

🍶1/4 tsp butter extract

🍨2tbsp vanilla protein powder 

🎉3tsp Sprinkles, plus additional 1tsp for topping. 

(Optional 🍁1/4tsp maple extract)

Preheat oven to 350°. Line 8x8 pan with parchment paper or butter sides and bottom. 

Purée chickpeas until smooth texture. Mix in all ingredients. Pour in to pan and sprinkle remaining 🎉1tsp sprinkles on top. Bake in oven for 20-25 minutes depending on the gooeyness of your choice! 

Let cool for about 30 minutes. Cut in to portions, 8 or 16. I did 16 but still ate two right away!!!! Hope you enjoy! 

Visit my InstaGram @LivingSemiCrunchy